If you are paranoid, we know who you are, stay on the line so
we can trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice
will tell you what to do.
If you are delusional, press 6 and your call will be transferred
to the mother ship.
If you have manic depression, it doesn't matter what you press,
no-one will answer anyway.
If you have amnesia, press 7 and state your name, address,
date of birth, telephone number, social security number and
your mother's maiden name.
If you have post traumatic stress, press 8 very gently, slowly
and carefully.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short
term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss,
press 9.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after
the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait
for the beep.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up, our operators
are too busy to talk to you anyway".
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