When people part, one of the hardest areas to resolve is what is best for the children.

Where there are no problems in respect of violence etc it is accepted that it is in the best interests of the children to have a good ongoing relationship with both parents.   Children need to know that it is ok for them still to love you both.  

We try to help by asking you to look at the difficulties through the children’s eyes and sort out arrangements that you can both live with and the children can enjoy.  

Here are some tips to consider when telling your children about your divorce or separation:

• If possible, both parents should be present but if this will create tensions, have separate discussions.
• Discuss what you will say beforehand. Children benefit from hearing similar messages from both parents. Keep explanations simple.
• View things through your children's eyes and avoid blaming each other. Children have the right to love both parents.
• Think through how you will manage your feelings in front of the children.
• Let children know how life will change, including major concerns such as how they will see each parent and where they will live. If they have questions you can't answer, let them know that you are both working out the details.

Some things children need to hear from their parents:

• While mum and dad's feelings for each other have changed, we will never stop loving you.
• We know this will be hard for you and we are sorry.
• You can always love both mum and dad.
• What has happened between mum and dad is not your fault.
• Divorce is a grown-up problem between mum and dad that you cannot change.
• We will always be your mum and dad.
• You will always have a family. Instead of being a family in one home, you will have a family with dad and a family with mum.

(Source: Resolution)

If you would like advice and guidance on your rights please call Joan Goss on 0161 482 8822 or email her at joan@abneys.co.uk. Alternatively you can use our enquiry form .